DeTomaso Mailing List: April 2001, Message #213

Stosh (and list ), I've had it with Omaha, moving back to the Big
Apple...now that IS New York...all I have to do is convince my husband.
Once I get back home, I will help and unmercifully harass the local
Pantera folks, if for no other reason to ensure that there is a woman on
the east coast up to the standard set by Laurie (my hero). On a more or
less formal note, my car is going to be in PI sometime in the next couple
of months. Cory helped, and I agreed, as long as my boo can share the
spotlight with my car.

actually enjoying spring time in Omaha.

Charlotte


and:


     HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

     1.Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry  hamper
according to lights and darks.

     2.Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see  your
     husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

     3.Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make  mental
     note - must do more sit-ups.

     4.Get in the shower.  Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,
     long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

     5.Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43
     added vitamins.

     6.Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

     7.Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner
     enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for  fifteen
     minutes.

     8.Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for  ten
     minutes until red.

     9.Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake
     body wash.

     10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that  it
     has all come off).

     11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area  but
     decide to get it waxed instead.

     12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet  and
     you lose the water pressure.

     13. Turn off the shower.

     14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.  Spray mold  spots with
     Tilex.

     15. Get out of shower.  Dry with towel the size of a small
     country.  Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

     16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit,  tweeze hairs.

     17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and  towel on head.

     18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any
     exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend and  hour and a
     half getting dressed.

     HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

     1.Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed  and
     leave them in a pile.

     2.Walk naked to the bathroom.  If you see your wife along  the
     way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound.

     3.Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in  your gut to
     see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener  in the
mirror  and scratch your ass.

     4.Get in the shower.

     5.Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use  one).

     6.Wash your face.

     7.Wash your armpits.

     8.Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just  rinse it
off.

     9.Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

     10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and  surrounding
area.

     11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on  the soap
bar.

     12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

     13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

     14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the  mirror
again.

     15. Pee (in the shower).

     16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice  water on
the
     floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub  the whole
time.

     17. Partially dry off.

     18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire  wiener
size  again.

     19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the  floor.

     20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

     21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist.  If  you
pass
     your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and  make the
     "woo-woo" sound again.

     22. Throw wet towel on the bed.  Take 2 minutes to get  dressed.





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